I don’t take part in the rest of the battle against the bounto but I follow the whole situation closely. It takes a while but eventually, we defeat them. After they have been eliminated, Seireitei takes some time to recover but once again, things go back to normal. I take my duty as 9th squad taichou and spend a lot of time with Hisagi, Ikkaku and Yumichika.
One night, after a crazy time with way too much sake, where all of us discuss like a group of kids, I become quite talkative. Ikkaku keeps asking me how I know so much about the real world and I decide I might as well come clean now.
Before becoming a shinigami, I was a shinigami slayer in soul society. Every time I met one, I killed them. Even high ranked ones. Little by little, Gotei 13 recognized my strength and tried to get rid of me by sending groups of shinigami bigger every time but I would easily destroy them all until I met the first taichou. He didn’t kill me then but it was close. When I fought him, I realised I could achieve a higher level by mastering a bankai. I trained but before I could use my new techniques in a real fight, Yamamoto Taichou banished me from soul society into the real world with a curse. I lived as a human with no spiritual power but I couldn’t grow old, that way, every time I would make a friend, they ended up dying and I would find myself all alone. One day, my best friend at the time turned into a hollow and a group of shinigami was sent to save her. They killed her in order to do so but it was a preferable end than becoming a hollow. Seeing what their contribution in the real world was, I felt guilty for killing so many of them and wanted to redeem myself. Yamamoto read through my intentions and allowed me to become a student shinigami with very strict observation. This was when I met everyone from the 11th squad. At the time, I was asked to hide my bankai and my past but it was a good way for me to start fresh and I could finally find my place surrounded by those who would then become like family to me.
Just as I finish my little story, Ikkaku gets mad learning what I did in the past.
“Do you have any idea what you did? Do you realise how many lives you destroyed? It wasn’t just the shinigami you killed but their families too, not to mention all the hollow’s victims they could have saved!”
I close my eyes in shame. Yumichika comes closer to me and whispers in my ear.
“In one the groups of shinigami you killed, there were Ikkaku’s parents.”
I understand then that he probably takes me responsible for making him an orphan. Hearing these words breaks my heart and I feel terribly guilty. Ikkaku is furious, his hands shaking on his zanpakutou asking for revenge. Before he can take it out, Kenpachi stops him so he storms off.
We don’t see him for a few days and the whole time I can’t help but feel terrible for my actions. Kenpachi, Yumichika and Hisagi seem to have forgiven me but I can’t forgive myself for having done this to my best friend. I spend every free time I have looking for him but he’s nowhere to be found.
One day after a long meeting with all the captains, I meet up with Yumichika and Hisagi again to look for Ikkaku but he shows up on his own. He seems to have cooled down a little but he’s still deeply angry at me. Just as I prepare myself to fight him to protect myself from his attack, he slowly comes towards me, closes his eyes like if looking at me was too painful, and asks me why I became a shinigami slayer in the first place. So I tell him my story…
As a kid in soul society, I was living with my brother and sister in one of the poorest neighborhoods. One day, a pack of hollows attacked us and the shinigami didn’t come up in time to save us so my brother and sister died right before my eyes. Since then, I had promised myself to destroy all shinigami because I felt they were responsible for my siblings’ death.
Ikkaku places his hand on my shoulder, sighs, and looks deeply into my eyes.
“I understand where you’re coming from, believe me. And even though you are the one who killed my parents, I forgive you. We all lost enough… You have changed and done everything you can to redeem yourself. I know how hard it is to way the right path after being in the dark for too long. Let’s stay in the light together.”
His little speech brings tears to my eyes but before I can swallow them back in, Yumichika hugs us both.
“Yay! Everybody is friends again! This is so beautiful!”
I laugh and a blushing Ikkaku frees himself from the forced group hug, embarrassed.
After that incident, I start my new training with Kenpachi-sama. In order to improve my bankai and make him work on his own strength, we go to the forest to stay away from Seretei and fight in my bankai dome. Under its influence, we’re training all day. After a full day where he almost kills me, I decide to end the fight by posing my lips on his to absorb his vital energy. When I do so, I expect him to move back but instead, he embraces me. At first, my surprise makes me lose balance and determination but when I realise he stopped fighting and is actually kissing me back, I put my arms around his naked body, holding him and just go with the flow. Before we can go any further, we are stopped by Hisagi’s voice. My lieutenant is browsing the forest and calls out for me as I have been summoned in a meeting. Awkwardly, I decide to never mention this to anyone, especially Kenpachi who may also want to keep this little weak moment a secret.
Weeks go by. I spend a lot of alone time with Kenpachi-sama. It looks like we both decided to keep our kiss just a memory but I can still feel a tension between us that has nothing to do with fighting… I also try to train with the 11th squad and spend as much time with them as possible outside my taichou duties. But I get more and more tangled into the 9th squad preparations and hollow missions which means I get to spend less and less time with my best friends. To fix this, the three of us decide to organise to get together one night to go drinking. We spend all night chatting and fighting like kids.
Yumichika is particularly clingy.
“We really miss you!” He tells me after too many drinks.
“Why can’t we train together anymore?” Ads Ikkaku. “All you do is train with Kenpachi! What about us? We need to get better too!”
They make me smile with their heart-warming drunken words so I agree to block out one whole day for them. We make out plans to meet in the morning then Yumichika suddenly falls under the table. I laugh so hard I fall too and Ikkaku stands up.
“Well, I should really take him back to the barrack. We see you tomorrow morning then?”
He helps Yumichika get up and carries him on his shoulder to help him walk. He winks at me and leaves the place. I get home soon after and try to get some rest but I’m too excited about the training plans we made for the next day.
As soon as the sun is out, I get out of my house to meet them but before I can reach the dojo, Kenpachi-sama stops me. He tells me that Ikkaku and Yumichika were sent to the real world with Hitsugaya taichou and others. I feel heartbroken since I didn’t even have the time to say goodbye. I get mad at Kenpachi. I yell at him that he shouldn’t have let them go, like it’s his fault they’re gone. He knows I miss them but I just pretend I’m jealous they’re going to have all the fun fighting without me. He smiles at me and tells me I should go too. I’m surprised by his advice and I do have a bad feeling about this but decide to ask Yamamoto if I can join the team in the real world. After his agreement, I prepare my departure with Hisagi to make sure he can handle everything without me.
Before I leave, I decide to go see Kenpachi-sama to say goodbye. After all those one-on- one times we had, and even though we never talked about it, we both felt something reinforced the bond between us. I make sure no one is around to hear our conversation and decide to talk to him freely about my fears.
“You're not allowed to be killed!”
He laughs.
“You're the only one who could kill me! He says reminding me of a very old conversation we had.”
He starts walking off but I insist and speak a little bit louder, no longer concerned by any eavesdroppers.
“Promise me. Promise me that you won't get killed by anyone but me!”
He doesn’t turn around and replies with a wave of his hand. I smile as I hear his silent promise in my heart.
When I get to the real world, I look for Ikkaku and Yumichika. After locating their reiatsu, I find them just as Ikkaku wins what seems to have been a long fight against an Arrancar. But I’m surprised to see him using his bankai.
I finally show myself when he’s back to normal and meet them both but decide to not say anything about it. I follow them silently to Ichigo’s friend Keigo’s where we’ll all sleep. When we are settled, I suddenly interrupt our conversation by yelling at poor Ikkaku.
“You had a bankai and never told me?!”
“Isn't that exactly what you did too?” asks Yumichika.
He’s right but that’s not the problem here…
“Whatever,” I sigh.
Ikkaku then explains why he hid his bankai and wants to keep it secret. I understand and promise I’ll keep it for myself.
“But still, why did he know about it and I didn’t?” I ask pointing at Yumichika.
“Sorry… I promise I’ll share everything I tell him with you too!”
Ikkaku’s apology sounds so sincere and his blushing face makes me feel so awkward, I decide to change the subject and we spend the rest of the night discussing our plans until we all fall asleep.
The next day, while everyone goes to Ichigo’s school, I pay a visit to the Kurosakis’ house in secret. I ring the bell and Ichigo’s dad answers.
“A… ta… shi…”* I say to the voice on the other side of the intercom.
Isshin looks shocked to see me.
“I can’t believe you’re back after all this time away!” He says once we’re comfortably seated around the table sipping some tea.
“And I can’t believe how old you look now!” I tease him.
He laughs. Of course, I haven’t changed since I went back to soul society but he’s grown old living here as a human.
After some catching up talk, I briefly explain the situation to him regarding his son to make sure he’s in the loop about the vaizards who contacted Ichigo and the arrancars who started showing up. He already seems to have an idea and be prepared but I worry.
“Are you and your family going to be ok?”
He doesn’t answer but despite how bad things will get from here, I have the feeling his skills are as sharp as ever. He asks me to trust him and I agree to let him handle this on his own terms.
“But don’t forget you can ask for help any time if you ever need it.”
“I know. Thanks.”
He smiles, hiding his doubts and worries behind his brave look. I leave his house asking him to keep our little reunion and our connexion a secret.
*"It's me..."
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